A Marine colonel on his way home from work at the Pentagon came to a dead halt in traffic and thought to himself. "Wow, this traffic seems worse than usual. Nothing's even moving." He notices a police officer walking back and forth between the lines of cars so he rolls down his window and asks, "Excuse me, Officer, what's the hold up?"
The Officer replies, "The President is just so depressed about the thought of moving with Hillary to New York that he stopped his motorcade in the middle of the Beltway and he's threatening to douse himself in gasoline and set himself on fire. He says his family hates him and he doesn't have the money to pay for the new house. I'm walking around taking up a collection for him.
"So far only about three hundred gallons but I've got a lot of folks still siphoning!"